winter animals

let's go for a run he said
and the dark would have been impenetrable
if not for the snow that peacefully
plainly broke the insistence of nighttime

let's run til we can't feel our breath and our legs he said
and we heard our breath like beats
and on the third we broke like birds
and flew fast and against the snow

and the dogs were out ahead
haha they said how can you be so slow when there are so many dangers in the world?
and we felt the knees and the shins and the things that kept us aloft
swinging grand arms heavy feet that grew lighter thinner with each part that grew more numb

i'll want to describe this later
i'll want to remember the change in the movement of the earth when five of us and five dogs ran hard
i'll want to say the exact sensation of sting and sweat
and the smell the snow makes when sped through

but i will not remember these things
for these are the things understood in the moment and shared only with the moment
and they cannot be taken with you when you leave
the only part i will remember will be when my eyes pricked with tears swollen and threatening to skip down my face
and reveal too much

i would blame it on the cold
would tilt my head back and smile
would feel the strain in my neck and the weight of my own head
(it it is marvelous to feel the real mass of your body, the effort you put on the earth)

but at that moment i just let them come and streak back from my eyes to show my speed
swallowed air like a hungry beast
dodged drifts that would disappear in spring
ran beside a dog that became more nature that i've ever known


i will remember that this is how i feel when i'm with the hounds
and i ran and ran and felt the winter animals in my breath