the flight and the train and the fall

I have it built big in my head
Standing outside the train station counting
Each lumbering lift of the rails
Each time I catch my breath in expectation
Finding the grooves in the cement that may have been yours
From long ago
When you took this train to Bed-Stuy every weekend just for fun

I had been younger then
And from the window of our apartment I saw a brick wall
That I romanticized to the familiarity of lovers
And we'd make eye contact, break, make
Staring, impassioned, embittered, a body slid
Down as though carried on rails
Constant and steaming it seemed
I described it like that to the wall
And the wall had no answer for me
I looked to find the body when it cracked like a pistol
It landed like it was still in flight
Arched and crumpled, neck broken and back

I'll wait by the station and talk to the agent to pass the time
I'll wait for the trains to part and open you up
Find you there in a puffy snow jacket and sweatpants
All lavender except your hat, red
And written on your ticket was where'd you go next
Your body still moving and still alive, flight fresh in your cheeks
Your hands and arms warm and holding blood in tight
And maybe you'll stay still awhile
Make up for the years since you've been gone